Loneliness
by louisaeve
Summary: When James Potter gets it in his head that the pair of them should 'fake date', Lily thinks the idea is ridiculous. But then again, he's got a stalker convinced she's in love, the social calendar for nobility is coming up (with her sisters wedding being fast tracked) and on top of it all, Women's Weekly has called her a bad dresser. This idea might not be the worst one he's had.
1. Chapter 1

"Are you actually kidding?" I asked James Potter, bane of my existence. Well, currently. "You want me to 'fake date' you? And you think, what, because you're the cousin of the Prince I'm going to agree?"

"Lily," James slid into a seat opposite me, dark hair ruffled, messy but an appropriate length. "I'm asking you because it would be mutually beneficial. And because I trust you."

Something melted in me. So of course, I snorted. Attractively. I flushed and looked around the library, and tried to ignore the fact that Luelle Dorkins, social media fanatic and gossip blogger had turned around to start typing out of whole story on the daughter of the divine duchess being a disgrace in disgusting ways or something with equally as much awful alliteration. I sneered and turned back to James, who was waiting for me and looking strangely.

"Give me one reason why this would be a good idea?" I raised an eyebrow.

So he took out a list. An honest to God list.

"One - you need a date for the upcoming royal wedding otherwise all the magazines will write about how you're boring and going to end up alone. And how you should dress better. Two - I also -" James was cut off by a hand being held up. My hand.

"Please James, just summarise," I sighed, fighting back the headache that was coming on as the words my sister offers cared to natter at me echoed through my ears.

"Basically we both need dates for the upcoming social season," James wrinkled his nose here and I almost joined him before remembering that I was Not Pleased with him at the moment. "On top of that I need someone to deter the girl who has been convinced we were made for each other since an encounter in a pub. And you need to improve your image."

"My image?" I scoffed, despite the multiple people who lectured me about it on a regular basis.

"Lily," James raised an eyebrow at me condescendingly. "You don't date. This leads to the media thinking you're either asexual and/ or gay. Which doesn't go down well in the presses eyes or the Palace's. You don't dress the way a girl in your position should. You also announced on your Twitter you were converting to Islam-"

"I am!"

" - during the middle of exam week so you've alienated a large majority of the country as well as given the idea you are slightly unstable," James grinned, thinking himself charming no doubt.

I rolled my eyes and stood up, slammed my laptop up shut and stacked my books up. "Fine."

"You know I really do - wait what?" James frowned. "Are you serious?"

"Yeah," I sighed, officially done with the day. "You know what, whatever," I shrugged and lifted my books into my arms, walking out of the university library with James smiling goofily at the table. Walking backwards, I called out to him "Oi Potter, text me yeah?"

I turned back around feeling rather satisfied with myself.

And promptly tripped over.

* * *

"So let me get this straight - you agreed to fake date Potter so you had a date/ to get everyone off your back?" Marly blew bubbles in her milkshake. "That's kind of crazy stupid. I like it!"

Lettie snorted. "You would!"

"I'm such an idiot," I groaned and attempted to drown myself in a copious amount of hot chocolate.

"Well, we kind of already knew that," Marl pointed out unhelpfully. "Remember that time you went out in your underwear and you got photographed?"

"Or that time you borrowed McDonalds shoes and you ended up waddling around all day because they were a size too small and someone YouTubed it?" Lettie joined me in the fun.

"Or that time-"

"Alright, I get it," I scowled, breaking a marshmallow in half and popping it in my mouth as Lettie pulled the sleeves of her sweater down.

Unfortunately the other students of the university had decided to also head down from the castle that was the nearby town of Hogsmeade for lunch. And as such, our usual haunt the Three Broomsticks was cramped, and we'd had no choice rather than to head to the Hog's Head, a pub with questionable reputation. It was damp, gritty, lacked cleanliness and the bartender was either judging my choice in jumper or staring at my boobs. And most importantly, it was freezing.

"Ugh I have a two o'clock class," Lettie screwed her face up and stood up, then slapped some coins onto the table.

"That sucks," I made a face which caused the girl it was directed to to try and mimic it before walking out, waving goodbye before turning around, her brown braid swinging wildly. "What you up to Marls?"

"I have a group project to work on," Marly frowned adding coins to the pile I had already added to. "I'm catching the 6 o'clock train. Or maybe the 5."

"I'm headed out now," I shrugged, waving goodbye to her as we parted ways, Marly heading up to the castle and myself to the train station. I pulled my iPod out and plugged my earphone in. Mentally I was eating a lost of what I needed to do between now and my exam on Thursday, when Sirius Black swung an arm over my shoulder.

"'Lo Black," I looked up at him. "How are you?"

"I'm fine, although I have a feeling you're better," Sirius smirked. "Hear you're dating my boy Jimmy."

"Did you smirk Black?" I raised a brow. " I thought people only did that in books. 'Sides we're only fake dating."

Sirius then shoved his hand over my mouth. "Shh! The paparazzi are everywhere."

I licked his hand. And promptly recoiled in shock. "God Black, do you bathe in Axe or something?"

"It's my natural musk," Sirius drew back as well, frowning and frantically wiped his hand on his jeans. "Besides, you would have never have known if you hadn't _licked_ me."

"I would have never done that if you hadn't put your hand over my mouth!" I retorted as the train pulled up. Black and I boarded the train with a couple of other students slashing our travel cards. "You know if I was in the mood I would lecture you on the censorship of women and it being a disgustingly long 'tradition'. But I'm not in the mood. So how was your day?"

Black and I seated ourselves a couple of seats between an old lady who was knitting furiously and three teenage girls giggling.

"That sounds an awful lot like one of Marlene's half finished articles. But I'm not up to much. Going to my cousins for dinner. Drinks afterwards."

"Saturday night so you're going to get plastered?" I raised a brow. "That's kind of classic Sirius."

"Going out to my cousins? Is that also classic Sirius?" He raised a brow right back at me.

"Not quite," I grinned in response.

"So what are _you_ up to?" Sirius asked as we entered the city.

"I'm headed to my house to get a move on with my work," I shrugged.

"Fun," Sirius replied.

We sat in silence for while, before my stop came up and I smiled goodbye to him, flashing my transit card once I got off, and starting the long walk back to my house.

Don't think I'm weird or anything, but I enjoyed the walk home. Sure, the two kilometres were kind of pushing it, I generally ended up with blisters and I did have to run during the rainy season more often than not, but generally I didn't get a lot of exercise. That was what the walk forced me too. Also, learn how to speed dial. There were some shifty people around my house, and as such I had been forced to set up a speed dial for numerous people, including but not limited to; Mary, my mother, Marlene, Lettie, the shopkeeper across the road, the head of my mothers security, the police, the builders down the road. Honestly, I _should_ have just moved, but I didn't have the money, as I did not have a job, and thus relied on a small amount of money from my parents and what I had earned in high school. So unless I wanted to beg my parents for money, I would not end up moving. And no way in _hell_ was I moving back home with my conniving and manipulative sister.

With a screwed up face I entered my home, a small apartment which I shared with my roommate Mary. "Hello Mary!" I called out to her.

"You need to call your mother," she glared at me as I entered the room before returning to talk one of her many friends in Cantonese, who was sitting on the couch opposite my roommate, looking me up and down.

I stalked up the hallway and threw my bag onto my bed, and eyed the unmade covers. While I really wanted to get back under them, I was in my clothes from school, and I'd been sitting on public transport in them …

I pulled off my jumper and jeans, and snuggled underneath the covers.

A shower wasn't _really_ necessary.

* * *

"LILY!" I jumped at the sound of Marlene's voice and held the phone away from my ear. "We're going _ouuuuuutttt_!"

"Marlene, it's a _Thursday_," I sighed, pressing two fingers to my temple. "You have an _exam_ tomorrow."

"Lil-_yyyyyyy_," Marlene responded. "You _have_ to come tonight! You only have one class tomorrow! Anyway, you_know_ my dad is paying my way through university, and he's bribing me in shoes. I don't care."

I considered my options. On one hand, I have a _pile_ of homework to get through, I need to call my mother, and I_would_ like to get some sleep tonight. On the other hand, I have_one_ class tomorrow, Mary was hardly going to talk to me all night, and I didn't want to be alone.

"Lily, if you don't come, I'm going to come over to your house and scale your wall and come in through you window."

For a moment she sounded sober and I sighed, remembering what had happened last time. "Fine, where are you?"

"At the Leaky Cauldron!" Marlene squealed back. "You're the best Lily - invite your hot roommate!"

She hung up, and I was left with a beeping phone as I stared remorsefully at my wardrobe. I'd never been much of a shopper, and the few things I liked and found were either a) too expensive or b) didn't fit. As such, I ended up in a pair of jeans, an old sweater that hung loosely and boots. As a last minute thought, I threw on some lipstick and let my hair out.

"Mary!" I called out as I picked up my bag, sliding my phone in and picking out my headphones, heading downstairs and untangling them. "I'm going out with my friends, if you want you can come out with me?"

Mary stared at me from the living room, her friend mimicking her action, and I sighed, heading out of the apartment, locking the door behind me.

The part of the city where I lived really lit up at night. You got the drunks, people on every doorstep, people getting high, bottles being smashed, yelling from the couple across the road in Latin as she once more threw all of his belongings out the window and onto the street. Just generally lovely.

Screwing my face up I boarded the next train, having looked up the transport to the pub, and plugged my headphones in. The train road was soothing, and the transit officer only came into the carriage once, escorting away a delightful youth who had been snorting a line _off the arm of a seat_. I exited the train, and walked past the pair of women on the corner of the street who were grinning at passing businessmen and the sort, giving them a nod, and walked into the pub that Marlene had chosen for the night.

Like the rest of Marly's haunts, it was filled with vintage posters, dart boards, 80's music and bad beer. She claimed that all the potential sugar daddies and highly intellectual girls hung out in these sorts of places, and she preferred her hook ups to be of that sort of crowd. I just thought she liked the beer and throwing darts.

"Lily! You made it!" Marlene threw her arms around my neck and I pulled back, only choking slightly.

"Yeah!" I wheezed as she pulled off me. "Made it."

"You didn't bring your cute friend?" Marly pouted, before bounding back over to the table, pulling my arm.

As my eyes adjusted to the dim lighting, I realised that crowded around the table was a large crowd of kids from my university. Alice and Frank were making out on one of the seats, the chair rocking severely. Tilly, Maya and Alyssa were giggling excitedly as Aneesa recounted a story excitedly. And then, Marly flung her arms around both Remus and Peter. And where they were, James and Sirius were bound to be also. Sure enough, I was pulled into Sirius's lap within secounds.

"He - I thought you were Marly!" Sirius slurred his words sightly, and I rolled my eyes even as a small smile made its way to my face.

"Nah, she's legless over there," I jerked my head towards behind me, where Marly had decided to sprawl across the table, pressing her face against 'the cool' of the fake wood. I pulled myself off Sirius and returned to him his own space. "Thought I said goodbye to you a couple of hours ago?"

"Then I got this text," Sirius showed me his phone.

'DRINKS AT THE LEAKY CAULDRAN BICCHESSSSSS BETTER C U THERE OR ILL BE MADDDDDD'

"How much had she had to drink at this time?" I frowned.

"Well, she was giggling by the time I arrived."

* * *

I was seated at the bar, sipping on my drink when James slid into the seat next to me.

"You know if you really wanted to make an impression I'd be more than willing to snog you," James grinned widely.

I let a small smile rest on my face and looked up at him from my glass. "I think I'm alright. 'Sides who would take photos?"

"We could get Marly to do it," James jerked his head backwards to the girl in question who was twirling on a table, holding a shot glass in both hands.

I snorted. "I don't think that you'll be able to get the glasses out of her hands."

"That may be true," James' eyes were sparkling in a way that ones tended to do after a glass or two and a smile was resting on his face like that was where it belonged. "You drinking?"

"_No_," I shook my head. "Muslims don't drink."

"Right," James drawled. "Of course."

"You don't believe me," I turned to him, pouting.

"Maybe."

I glared at him. "Alright, have some of it then."

"Don't mind if I do," James grinned and picked up my glass, downing the rest of it. "Thanks Evans."

I glared as he walked away, and stood up, intent on giving him a piece of my mind, when Marly collapsed onto the floor in a fit of giggles. Sighing, I walked over to Marly.

"Come on, up you get," I said, pulling the girl up off the floor even as the 5'11'' body slumped against me.

"You getting her a taxi?" Maya asked, her and Aneesa leaning heavily on one another.

"Yeah," I smiled, hoping it didn't look like a grimace as Marly lunged forward and clawed at my neck.

"We'll come with you," Aneesa giggled.

We made our way out of the pub and onto the streets of the city, Marly pawing at my hair. "

"Your hair is so pretty Lily!" She giggled. "Like fire!"

"Yes," I winced as she pulled tightly on a lock.

"Or a carrot!"

Thanks Marls.

I paced down the street and was delighted when I managed to hail a taxi. Trying to get Marly into the taxi was another problem however.

"I love tonight!" She threw her head back as I pushed her in and Maya pulled her. "I'm going to name my children after tonight!"

"What, Thursday?" I puffed.

"No," she frowned. "Tonight. Duh."

I sighed and shoved her into the taxi, waved goodbye to the slightly sober Aneesa and Maya and made my way to the train station, waiting for the 2.30.

And that was when I got the text.

_I guess I owe you a drink evans_

_mine 630 tomorrow_

Despite myself, I smiled. I guess I had a date.

* * *

Shoutout to the people who had to put up with me on my tumblr thinking I was _hilarious_ while I was writing this. What do you think of Lily? She's a really hard character to nail. Anyway, do let me know what you think.

Much love,

Louisa Xx


	2. Chapter 2

Of course, as it turned out, I had no idea what to wear on a date.

So on Friday night at 4.30, I was sitting in the middle of a pile of clothes in my best underwear, trying frantically _not_ to cry.

Mary was no help of course. I'd asked her what I should wear and she'd looked at me and asked if I had any raw meat. I'd turned away quickly and left her to watch the reality show that was on television.

"Marly, any idea what to wear on a date?" I was 100% that my voice sounded as frantic as I felt.

"Clothes," Marly deadpanned and I winced to think that she was actually serious.

"Like what?" I asked, picking up an orange skirt that I'd worn as a 13 year old. I screwed my face up and chucked it to the floor.

"That black dress you wore to Lettie's last year."

"That could work!" I exclaimed, and pulled it from the back of my closet. "Isn't it a bit . . . morbid though?"

"A bit of lipstick and you'll be fine," I could almost hear her shrug.

"Okay," I nodded, slipping into the black silk, feeling the fabric against my thighs like dry water. "Yeah, I think this could work."

"Send me a snap when you have got dressed kay?" Marly replied, and I could hear music in the background.

I hanged up, and did my hair and makeup up, and sent Marly a snapchat of my outfit, getting a reply of 'hotttttt'. Counting that as approval, I slipped into my heels, picked up my purse and walked out.

Of course, I didn't own a car, so instead of merely driving to James' house, I had to take a series of buses and trains, and walk for half an hour. Well, maybe fifteen minutes. Because, of _course_ he lived in a townhouse with a lovely view of the city. Where the buses tended not to run.

So when I knocked on his front door, I was panting heavily.

"Lily?" James opened the door and looked at me with shock on his face.

"Your house is the worst place to catch public transport to," I deadpanned, although I think the effect was slightly ruined by my severe panting.

"God Lily, I thought you had a car!" James actually looked worried, although it as kind of ruined by the fact that he was trying to push down a smirk.

"A car in this city?" I snorted, and pushed past him into his house. "When would I be able to move anywhere? Do you think I've got all day to get places?"

"Of course not," James replied, walking behind me as I observed his fancy hallway, complete with paintings that had to be at least a hundred years old.

"Nice paintings," I commented, looking up and down at the ornate roof and wooden stairs. "Nice place actually."

"Yeah," James rubbed the back of his head, his cheeks going a bit red. "It's a bit much isn't it? I mean I didn't have a lot of choice of course."

"You're an old family," I turned around to face him with a smile on my face. "You get all sorts of this stuff."

"Aren't you living in a townhouse?"

"God no!" I laughed, suddenly regretting I'd pinned all my hair up, because I really wanted to toss my hair. "My mum might have wanted me to, but I'm much more comfortable where I am. I have a roommate."

"That'd be nice," James said, fingering the bottom of his shirt.

He'd tried to dress up I realised. New jeans, a nice shirt, a blazer at the coat hanger at the door. His hair had been pushed down as much as possible too.

"You scrub up good Potter," I raised a brow. "But don't you live with Sirius?"

"You too Evans," James' eyes flicked up and down my body, and I rolled my eyes, despite the flush that was settling on my cheeks as a part of me was quite flattered. "And only sometimes. Officially, he lives with his parents."

"Is that where he is tonight?" I asked.

"Yeah," James replied, looking slightly uncomfortable. "You want to get going?"

"Sure," I shrugged, and followed him out the door, glad I'd thought to put on stockings and a jacket as we stepped out into the cold. "So where is this 'date' happening?"

James pressed a button on his keys, and the car unlocked. Sliding into passenger, I realised that while it was certainly a nice car, it wasn't flashy like the cars the majority of the nobility favoured. Slightly pleased by this thought, I buckled up.

"If I tell you it's a surprise will you hit me?" James teased.

"Well, if you're anticipating it it won't do much good will it?" I raised a brow as he reversed out of the driveway. "Sides, I know you play football."

"What's football got to do with anything?" James asked, his eyes firmly on the road ahead, his hands gripping the steering wheel tightly. I paused to admire those hands, solid hands for a moment.

"You've got proper reflexes and shit," I rolled my eyes, a smile playing on my lips, as the car halted in the mass of traffic. "You know that better than me."

"Proper reflexes?" James was smirking, and this time I let my hand slap his shoulder lightly.

"Teasing me, really?" I frowned at him, as he turned to poke his tongue out at me.

I gasped over dramatically as the phone rang. James took one look at the caller and pressed a button on the steering wheel, pausing to look at me apologetically.

"Remus, what's up?"

A heavy sigh came from the other end, crackling slightly. "Sirius. He's passed out over here."

"Let me guess - not from drinking?" James sighed deeply, creases far older than him making their way to his face. "I'll be there in an hour, at the most."

Remus hung up, and James turned to me slightly. "Lily, I'm really sorry to do this, but I need to go to see Sirius. Can I drop you home and we do this at a later date?"

"Potter, I agree to fake date you and this is what I get?" I raised a brow, looking straight ahead and not looking at him. "I'd almost think that you wanted to get rid of."

"Lily, really, I'm not trying to get rid of you," James shook his head looking more than slightly worried. "Really, we can do this some other time, I just think that it would be best if I dropped you home."

"Look, whose the one who's training to be a doctor?" I fix a glare on him. "You're going to ditch the only girl you know with medical experience? Come on Potter, you're smarter than that."

James rolls his eyes, but he drove past the turn off to my house, and I settle back onto the seat with a smirk on my face.

Of course, Remus's house was on the other side of town, so it took awhile to get there.

And to my surprise, the entire trip over, James was worried. Very.

His jaw was clenched, a tightness in the bones and muscles. He was jiggling his legs, bumping them against one another. His fingers were tensing and relaxing on the steering wheel.

He was extremely nervous.

And honestly? It unnerved me also.

* * *

"_Lily_?" Remus' eyes widen as he looks at me on his doorstep, all dressed up.

"Move," I shove past him, and walk into the house, making my way down the passageway. "Sirius?"

I find him lying on the worn kitchen table, cuts on his face. A frown making it's way onto my face, I make my way over to him, and wince at the sight of a particularly nasty cut on his face.

"Remus, you need to get him to the hospital," I call out, noting that the boy in front of me is in fact conscience, and taking his pulse, checking it's steady as I look at the bruises blooming in a crown around his forehead.

"Lily," Remus sighs. "Sirius doesn't go to the hospital."

"What do you mean?" I ask over my shoulder as I push his rather long hair back off his forehead to observe the area of skin. "I don't care if he's been doing something illegal, and the hospital won't either."

"Lily," James appears next to Remus, looking at me almost pityingly. "Sirius refuses to go to hospital. More than that, he can't."

"What do you mean he can't go to hospital?" I turn my gaze from Sirius to look at the pair. "He's hurt! He might have concussion, and this cut needs stitches!"

"We'll get a doctor in tomorrow," Remus shrugged. "He can't just go to the hospital."

"He needs medical treatment _now_," I insisted, shaking my head incredulously. "You can't just leave him here: here to suffer!"

"Lily, Sirius would kill us if he woke up in a hospital," James shook his head. "He might be nineteen, but his parents would too. If he needs medical treatment, he can get it tomorrow."

My eyes narrowed, and I took a deep breath. "Fine. I'll stitch him up."

To my surprise, although James winced slightly, Remus nodded. "What do you need?"

* * *

When you're a medical student, you do your fair amount of practicals. You deal with blood, vomit, sweat. All those sorts of nice things. You learn how to hold someone down to give them a needle. You do work experiences in hospitals, clinics, and see wounds seeping pus and all sorts of fun things.

As someone who regularly has a period, I can deal with blood. As someone who regularly hurts themselves and has had wounds seep pus, I can deal with that. As someone who has had horrible viruses in their system and spent days flung over a toilet, I can deal with vomit. As someone who regularly goes running, I can deal with sweat.

But even after all of this, I can't deal with causing people pain.

Feeling them wince beneath me. Seeing their eyes tear up.

Seeing Sirius wince and moan beneath me was so much worse.

I had to ask James and Remus to hold onto each of Sirius' arms, and each time the needle entered the skin on Sirius' shoulder I winced also. Remus had applied some numbing cream, and given Sirius a shot, but even as I tied my stitches off I felt myself recoil.

Finally finishing I made my way to the kitchen sink, and washed my hands free of blood.

I did not feel good.

I hadn't saved a life or done a great deal. The blood that was under my nails, embedded in the area between my skin and nails washed out in a slow way, taking awhile as the water in the sink turned red, or at least a deep pink.

It was almost pretty, even as I swallowed again and again and again.

"You want a scotch Lily?" Remus asked.

"I don't drink," I shook my head.

I made myself a tea.

* * *

"So, this wasn't the date that you were expecting," James said as he pulled into my driveway.

"No," I shook my head. "A couple less pictures."

"What you think that we're enough to merit pictures?" James raised a brow. "You have a pretty enough face do you?"

"I think it has something to do with the fact that you are the cousin of the Prince might have a little to do with it," I held my fingers up for evidence.

"Maybe," James smiled.

"Well, Mary with be pissed anyway," I shrugged.

"Mary?"

"My roommate," I pointed out. "She thinks I'm a loser because I spend the majority of my time alone and either bullshit all my work or leave it to the last minute."

"Ahh," James nodded. "So she'd actually be pissed because?"

"She's alone tonight," I shrugged. "So I've one upped her. And she does not take being one upped by me well."

"I see," James smiled. "Maybe I should walk you to your door and kiss you goodnight."

"Oh, I think that would make her very worried," I shook my head. "The poor thing might faint. I just couldn't do it to her. Anyway, I better get going."

I smiled and pressed a kiss to his cheek, and opened the door of the car. "We'll do this properly some time soon yeah?"

"Yeah," James grinned.

I gave a small wave and walked to the door, turning th lock and making my way upstairs, past a slightly shocked Mary who was sitting on the couch downstairs, nearby the window, and into my room.

And that was when my mobile started ringing.

My ankle giving beneath me, I winced and opened my purse, dumping my body onto my bed. "Hello?"

"Lily."

"_Petunia_?"

"I needed to call you," my sister's voice snapped.

"What for?" Admittedly, while some sisters were close, my sister hadn't called me in seven months.

"I'm getting married."

"You're _what?"_

* * *

I hope this is well, and doesn't turn out badly! Please let me know what you thought, what you need to hear more about.

Love you all!  
Louisa Xx


	3. Chapter 3

"I'm getting married."

"You're _what_?

"I'm getting married," I could practically hear her eye roll.

"_When_?" I was feeling faint. Very, very faint. "Who to?"

"My fiance," Petunia huffed. "You _met_ him."

I screwed my face up and tried to think back to the god awful garden party that my sister had hosted where she had invited her boyfriend, a man in a too tight suit and prone to screwing his face up at anything and everything I said. "When?"

"Six weeks."

"_What_?"

* * *

I sat myself down on my bed.

The thing is, when you have the same sister for nearly twenty years you expect that there will be a little bit of loyalty. Especially when she's been engaged for a while, and promised you you would end up her Maid of Honour.

What do you do, when you feel like you're way depressed? You ring up your best friend.

"Marly, are you and Lettie free?" I asked, tapping my painted green finger against the wood of my thrifted bedside table.

"Anytime for you, hun," Marly clucked back. "Is something wrong?"

* * *

"I can't believe she did this to me!" I groaned, my words slurring in my state of inebriation.

"Lil, I'm so sorry," Lettie was petting my hair, her long nails catching my hair, white tips against red strands.

"Yeah, well," I shrugged, wrapping my hand around the club glass of vodka, pressing it against my lips, and sipping continuously. "C'est la vie."

Marly sighed, tapping against the table. "So you gonna do something?"

"What do you mean?" I sighed. "You saying I should go running to Mum or something?"

"Yes!" Marly announced to the bar, standing up. "Do something, instead of sitting around and letting stuff happen around you. That's how you spend your life! You sit and wait for amazing things to happen without ever doing anything to make anything happen - and when they don't happen, you mope. And you blame everyone but yourself. So do something for once!"

And perhaps that was what made me make the phone call.

Raising a brow at Marly, I pulled out my phone and dialled a number I should have dialled a long time ago.

"Hey baby, it's me," I smirked into the phone.

"_Lily_?"

"I know you were kind of set on a red dress first date, but how do you feel about a wedding? Word has it one of the biggest weddings of the year is coming up."

"And whose wedding might this be?" James was smirking. I could tell. Even though my head was spinning.

"My sisters. So we need to -" I was cut off as Lettie suddenly vomited on the floor. And my shoes. "I'll ring you later."

* * *

The next morning, I did _not _wake up with a headache, a dry mouth or any other symptoms of a hangover. I woke up with a plan.

On days with plans, on days where you wake up before the rest of the world and kneel before God, you should wear ankle boots. Ankle boots give you a sort of authority. You know your ass looks good, but you also know you're taller than the world deems you should be. More than that, you know that the boot part gives you an edge that a simple heel will not. I wore my best pair that day.

Contrary to lots of teenage movies, we did not have a massive heist era scene, where we sat down in a super cool restaurant and ordered waitresses around in a slightly misogynistic way. Instead, James Potter and I, Lily Evans, met in the library of our university, Hogwarts Acadamy.

"You know, Hogwarts is a really fucking ugly name," I mused, tapping my pen against my lip.

"And you need to keep your voice down, because not only is this the library, but gossip bloggers also hang around here," Jams grinned.

I screwed my face up and stuck out my tongue. "I thought you wanted me to help you!"

"Blowing our cover doesn't exactly help."

"Haha."

"So what exactly are we going to do?" James asked, fingers smoothing out an assignment paper, as he tapped his pen, trying to look like he was doing work.

"Well," I let my mind take me away. "You could pick me up from my house, then I'll come out wearing the most beautiful dress, completely show up my sister, we dance all night, and make it seem like we're the centre of attention, my mother cries a bit, we kiss - this has to be very dramatic - and then we go home, and everyone takes photos of us."

" . . ."

"What?" I snapped at James.

"Well, I _was _asking for a sane plan," he remarked.

"You were the one who suggested we," I leaned forward, lowering my voice, "_fake date_. What part of sane is that? It sounds like a high school comedy!"

"It was a good plan!" James defended.

In all honesty, we didn't get too much planning done.

* * *

Of course, in the end I did not end up in a show stopping dress.

You can't go too pastel at a wedding, because you a) look like you're trying to one up the bride or b) you look washed out. Especially if you're Irish.

Too long is out, too short is out, black is out, the list goes on. So I ended up in some purple dress, too pastel and looking like a mostrosity. My hair was Not Cooperating, so had been pulled into a bun, and most importantly, my back was in severe pain because I had gotten my period.

So when I got into James' car, I was not beautiful. I was not flirtatious, or sassy. I was pissed off, and thankfully, he had enough sense to recognise that.

"So," James said as we were driving out into the countryside. "The wedding is at your fmaily home. Did you grow up there?"

"No," I smiled sadly, shaking my head. "I was raised in Dublin. Dublin, not in the English countryside. This whole damn country is so foreign."

"You know my family is nobility here?" James raised a brow.

"Same as mine," I made big eyes and mocked him, as he pushed his glasses up, the pretty towns and fields whirring by the windows. "My family has always been like that."

"Yeah?" James smirked. "I thought your mother was instated when you were twelve."

"She was," I shrugged. "But back a couple of centuries ago, my family was head of a clan."

"Ah," James nodded.

"Ah, that's it?" I raised a brow.

"What do you want me to say?" James asked. "Sorry Lily, for your family being ruined? You know I have no power over anything that happened. I mean, my mum's from India. You think she was happy bout the colonisation there?"

"I -" I shook my head. "Yeah, it's shit. But let's. Let's just leave it, a'ight?"

"Yeah."

And with that James turned the radio on and let the music wash over us as we drove through the countryside.

It was almost easy to think I was just coming back for a visit. Just coming back to see Mum, and Petunia. Like Dad was going to be there and I was going to jump into his arms and my cat would jump into my lap, and I could tell him everything and anything about how my Degree was going, and how I was going to learn everything in the world and become a heart surgeon or something.

But I wasn't.

I was going back to my sister's wedding, which I was not a part of.

When we got to my family home, it was clear what was going on. There were giant white tents set up. Waiters running to and forth, carrying trays of champagne. Ladies in pastel gowns and hats, men in suits, and I was alone.

And then James wrapped an arm around my waist, and it was almost easy.

Easy to glide through the tent. Easy to take my seat. Easy to smile at the aunties. Easy to ignore the comments about my waist. Easy to ignore the alcohol, and sip on water while we waited. Easy to watch my sister walk down the aisle. Easy to watch her kiss her new husband. Easy, easy, easy.

Congratulating her was hard.

"Hello Petunia," I said, and she turned around, the smile sliding off her lips as she looked me in the eye.

"Lily," she pursed her lips and looked me in the eye. "I see you have a boyfriend -"

"James," he stepped forward, holding out a hand even as my cheeks flushed in embarrassment, or awkardness, and I pulled my hand out of his. "It's a beautiful wedding."

"I'm sure you'll have a blast," Petunia smiled as politely as she could. "_Do_ have fun.

"Well that went well," I said, and determindly did not head to the bar as we walked towads our seats in the reception. To my utmost joy, I was seated on the same table as my two most disliked great aunts, and a number of cousins/ aunts who had disliked me through the years. It was a pleasure, certainly.

"Lily!" One of the great aunts, Matilda, smiled. "Such a pleasure to see you."

"You too," I bent down, kissing both of her cheeks.

"We were so surprised not to see you up there today!" The other added. "We thought for sure you would be Petunia's Maid of Honour, or at least her bridesmaid."

"Oh, you know me," I smiled, and tried not to grit my teeth. "I'm not much for the spotlight."

"Not much," one of the cousins muttered to the right of me.

I refrained from saying anything, and instead took a gulp of water.

"Not drinking?" The cousin sneered.

"If you'll excuse me, I need to go the bathroom," I excused myself, and headed to the portable toilets which had been set up.

"Calm yourself down Lily," I instructed my reflection in the mirror, even as people were flushing to left and the right of me. I felt frazzled. I _looked_ frazzled. My haor even did! So all I could do was calm down, and head on out there, and act normal, and not let them get a rise out of me.

So I took a deep breath, opened the door, and headed out, and to my delight, James was the one who entertained all my relatives. Who talked to them. About his family, school, and the like. Who invented stupid and incredibly romantic first meetings and dates. And all I had to do was smile along. Smile along. Act like I didn't want to scream at all of them.

And then dinner was over, and I could pull James up, and whisper "Please, come dance with me."

And we danced.

And I could almost forget all the comments about my weight and intelligence and social standing and looks when the music was in my ears.

"You okay?" James asked.

"Yeah," I smiled back.

And sure, I didn't look beautiful. I wasn't the belle of the ball. No one would fall in love with me in that moment. But I was. I was almost happy.

Then my sister's best friend stood up, and gave a speech.

The speech I'd been waiting my whole life to give. About high school, the things my mother didn't know (or we thought she didn't). About failed ex's, and good times.

And something broke. Permanently.

"I have to go," I muttered to James, and spun around, leaving him alone on the dance floor.

* * *

I found myself in my old room.

Not the room I'd grown up in. I hadn't been there in four years. But the room I'd lived in for the last year of high school.

And there I was, slumped against the mauve walls in a goddamn mauve dress, sipping fifty dollar champagne out of the bottle.

I was a mess.

I knew I was crying.

Sniffling, no doubt. But when James Potter walked into that room, he didn't turn away in disgust. He sat down next to me, and took a sip out of the bottle, and let me put my head on his shoulder.

* * *

"That was my family," I felt the need to explain, as we drove back to the city that night, the lights whirring by. "They're not normally like that. Well, they kind of are, but I think it's jus8t because it was such a big thing they were just a bit more in your face."

"That's okay."

"I'm trying to give up drinking," I kept blathering on. "Like stop completely. Because, it's a sin, it's totally haraam, and I'm trying to give up. Like, so badly. But I just don't know and -"

"You don't have to explain yourself to me," James stated.

And so I didn't. We sat in the car and drove, and drove, and drove. And I did not cry anymore.

* * *

This has a strange chapter structure, but I wanted you to be with Lily. In her confusion, her struggles.

I hope it turned out okay.

Much love,

Louisa


End file.
